When she was younger, I’d let my niece win every race and tell her things like, “Wow, you run so fast, you’re a blur!” She was small and I was big, so I wanted to encourage her. Now that she’s growing up, she doesn’t like me to treat her like a little kid — what adult would?
Sometimes we dumb ourselves down, do less than our best, or act “small” so someone else can feel better about him or herself. Sometimes we even pat ourselves on the back for it. However, I’m coming to see that “playing small” to autonomous beings isn’t appropriate or helpful. In fact, it can be harmful both to them and the person who’s acting.
Little kids aren’t the same as adults; adults can sense when they’re being lied to. Acting small is dishonest, plain and simple. We tell ourselves we have the other person’s best interest at heart, but we must consider them very small indeed to be treating them like children.
We’re not helping others by pretending, and we’re not doing our best, either. So what’s the alternative?
At some point, we’ve got to start running fast so the little ones can see how it’s done. If you’re good at something, your prowess can be much more encouraging than an act. Rather than make yourself smaller, you could be making other people bigger! Pull them up! Respect them enough to challenge their performance, and everyone benefits. After all, wouldn’t you want the same sort of encouragement?
We can learn so much from each other. All we have to do is trust each other a little bit—trust others with the hard truth (that we don’t start out masters of cooking or computer programming or yoga); as a result, they’ll trust you with the same.
For more on the subject, check out today’s video.
After you watch the video, join the conversation happening right here. Use the conversation section below to tell me about your experience pretending. When are you the most tempted to act small? Do you know someone who treats others small? Does that sort of treatment make you feel better, or worse? How are you going to encourage others to be big, starting now? I’d love to hear from you.
Remember: You are bigger than ANYTHING that comes your way!
Cheryl
Chery, oh how I can relate to this topic. I am 55 years old. My life growing up with my sister, who is 19 months older than me, was not the best of times. Sadly, my parents and sister were blind to it all. One would think how wonderful to have a sister so close in age. Not so much the case at all. She did not willingly include me with her friends; however, when times were hard for her, I was the one she would reach out to. It was not until 2 years ago when I read a facebook post from my friend, colleague, spiritual life coach…..she posted the definition of an empath. Well, that was THE lifechanging moment that I said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I am a good soul. I love to love. I will not allow my sister to make me feel small to allow her to be bigger. I will not let my light dim around her anymore. As a matter of fact, I am done with her. At this point I had been reading motivational books, going through areas of personal growth and development as I started a social marketing business, and ready to be the awesome person I have always been, and to surround myself ONLY with those who lift me up, who empower, and who LOVE! Damnit……..I WAS DONE! Cheryl, I can go on and on. This is cathartic for me…..and believe me, I have talked about this over and over, yet now I can honestly feel free because I let her go. I simply had to. XO
Hi Lisa. Thank you for being so transparent, candid, and raw. It’s so funny; JUST THIS MORNING I read a quote on Instagram which read, “Always remember that you are a good person and don’t allow yourself to be sucked into someone else’s drama.” I think it’s perfectly fitting for you. Thank you for being here, shining your light, and being such a contribution. Big hugs, Lisa. xo